Yesterday I felt absolutely lousy.
I got myself booked for an awesome folk festival in Winter Harbor, Maine and got myself on as the artist of the week at their Maine area radio station for the time period when I'll be there. I even got a host family assigned by the arts center to give me a place to stay for the whole time I'm there. Okay, super duper. I'm going to play two additional smaller shows plus the farmer's market in Rockland which I've done several times. All good.
But I felt terrible after that so I took a nap. I washed the sheets on my bed and then starched and ironed them...yes I do that...and they're gorgeous. No, not the bottom sheet. And not not the whole top sheet either. Just the trim edge on the top sheet and the pillow cases. But if you have white sheets that are meant to be crisp, it's the way to go. I washed all the bathroom towels too. It didn't help my feeling very much though.
Then I made some angel hair pasta with the really nice organic marinara sauce I had tossed with sauteed fresh spinach and garlic. Nina and Rob both had that with me. We are all at the end of our ropes with money right now...each of us for our own reasons....all the bills are getting paid but there isn't a cent to spare between us....so I went down to Rob's wine stash where we've been gradually pillaging a very nice case of red wine he's had for a long time. I opened one of the last of those bottles and we had red wine with the nice pasta, and although it was about as simple and spare as a meal can be, we were all happy and grateful.
Later I drove over to a good friend's house and sat with her and two other female friends, sisters who I'd never met before, and we just enjoyed each others' company and shared some stories of our lives. I was back home by eleven and went to bed. But, all in all it was a lot of wine drinking and I have a headache today, very unlike me. That's okay, I just needed to blow off some steam I guess.
It's my birthday this week and my mother was mean about it, saying that she certainly didn't want to have to pay for all of us to celebrate my birthday because none of us have any money. Well, I just said that she doesn't have to do anything for my birthday at all. I offered to come get her tomorrow and take her to the church she goes to, the one where I sometimes sing in the choir. I love going there and seeing everyone I know, so that'll be fun. And then she doesn't have to deal with my birthday at all. I told her that later in the week I'll be going up to Ely for my Valentine shows anyway so we aren't going to worry about my birthday.
Honestly, the thing is definitely not my age, or getting older, the thing is the financial constraints of debt and poverty. It just sucks.
I am praying and hoping and working to have this year be a next level kind of year that sets me on the course for making more money.
It just has to happen.
It just has to.
The best news is this little flyer I posted for you, below.
This flyer is evidence that my hard work is beginning to pay off.
Two things about this,
one is that I'm in great company with excellent established singer/songwriter Folk artists
and two is that this kind of event has real money attached to it so I'll be well compensated.
A third thing would be that this can be used for me as a calling card to book other similar events across America and Europe too.
If this well respected and long running concert series is willing to include me, when they only focus on six artists a year, then that speaks very well for me.
So, yesterday was also about my little dog being gone.
That is a hurt that doesn't go away.
The biggest problem is that I've had my own dog every year of my life since I was out of college.
I've always had a dog of my own.
I just don't like to live on this planet without a dog.
I need another dog.
But the kinds of dogs I can have..because of allergies...are the kind that cost money and are not at the shelters.
Dogs with Poodle in them are what I need so I don't sneeze my head off when they sleep on my bed.
I want and need a dog.
I'll find a way, I know I will.
It'll have to be after my son Jordan gets to Minnesota from California in March.
Then we'll figure it out. There will be enough of us in town that the new dog will always have someone to watch him when I'm away.
It'll work out. Spring will come. There'll be a new dog. Life will be good. I can ride my bicycle again. The Sun will shine and flowers will bloom.
It'll all be okay.