Rob and I almost broke up yesterday.
We have our challenges as a couple.
In my three years of living with him these have been underscored.
I'm not going to talk about this in specifics because this is a matter of Rob's privacy too, but there are no dark secrets here.
Rob is a very loyal person and so am I.
Our hurts go to things like yesterday when Rob said he didn't like that I always put so many vegetables in my quiches.
He talked about the French classic Quiche Lorraine which is basically ham and onions and Gruyere.
Mine yesterday was going to have roasted cherry tomatoes, fresh spinach, fresh mushrooms, and vegan sausage.
I got mad.
He got mad.
Things were said.
Other hurts were brought in.
He decided he couldn't take it any more and I should move out.
This gets said more often than I would like.
We have our issues for sure.
I've been married twice, Rob's never been married at all.
I spent the rest of the day being utterly miserable and looking up studio apartments.
If I have to get a studio apartment for $800 a month, a lot of the other dreams go by the wayside.
And Tobi and I share a small space on a second or third floor somewhere in the city.
No garden, no running free in the big backyard.
Well, what's the good news?
Rob worked at Uptown Sound all day yesterday and then when he came home things felt better.
We love each other, Rob says that often and so do I.
Yesterday even when we were mad he said, "I love you, and I'll miss you and I'll miss Tobi, but I can't go on this way."
He doesn't mean he can't go on eating vegetables in his quiches, he means he wants me to be more tender and kind all the time.
Tender and kind were not concepts from my childhood.
I figured them out for my kids and me, but I have trouble using those new skills with men because I sort of have a distrust and a disgust and a general repulsion for all men, even the ones I love most.
IRRATIONAL WORDS, I know, I see that, but this blog is about honesty and transparency done in such a way as to not hurt anybody.
Tricky tight rope walk I do here.
Anyway, I'm not moving out today at least.
I don't have 100% domestic security in this house with Rob.
If we don't get along well he doesn't want me to live here.
I want us to get along well or I don't want to live here.
We're mostly on the same page.
We've worked together for fifteen years and we've accomplished a lot.
I'm not ready to wrap up the narrative of our journey together.
I feel that there's more to unravel and achieve with Rob.
I know he feels that if I can master tenderness and kindness he's happy to be part of this all with me.
So that's the ongoing goal, among all the other ongoing goals.
But it's probably the most important one.
I love Tobi and Tobi does stuff like lick his personal parts and then sit on my chest and lick my face and then burp in my face.
Rob never does any of those things.
Happy Memorial Day.
We all have people we've loved and lost.
And we all can do better with those we have here with us.
My best wishes to you as you endeavor to achieve 100% tenderness and kindness in your life too.