It's two thirty in the morning.
No I have not been drinking alcohol.
I had one glass of white wine with sushi with Rob G at about 5:30pm today.
So, rule that out as an excuse.
Also, my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Like, there's just no other way to describe that shit.
The stuff she thinks and says now is like right out of the Twilight Zone.
Or like George Orwell.
It's a total bummer.
But she's also her good old self too.
Yesterday she told me that for me to get a puppy right now was shameful when I have so much debt.
She said that I went broke and it was my fault and now I'm doing the same kind of stuff, being irresponsible and buying puppies.
Hard to hear the truth.
But I want the puppy.
And I made the exact amount of extra cash selling merch two nights ago.
My fans are buying the puppy for me.
That's my reality.
I guess I can say I wish I had done things differently, but I kind of don't.
I'm glad I invested all my money and more into my music career.
When I stood on the stage two nights ago in the sold out theater, and I was playing my songs solo, I felt great.
I felt like this was what all the money went to.....it went to my investment in my big huge self.
I feel like I'm ten feet tall from all the stuff I've done and all the experience I have under my belt.
It makes me believe in the music I offer to people when I play for them.
My mom keeps saying I spent a million dollars and that no one feels sorry for me.
Sixteen years ago I got divorced.
My youngest child was only seven.
I spent the child support and alimony every year making sure my three kids got as good a childhood as I could possibly give them, in every way.
Then I spent the rest of it making records and going all over with my band on tour and trying to promote myself and trying to succeed.
And I still kept giving everything I could and more to my college age children who still needed food clothing and shelter much of the time but the child support and alimony were over.
And I forced this music career more and more and I burned through all the money and just kept on driving, going into debt, believing in my potential to succeed.
I watched for signs from God.
I followed the signs from God and The Universe.
I still believe.
I have every reason to believe.
I make more at a show right now than I ever have before.
I will turn this around.
And I'm gonna do it with a puppy on my lap too.
I'm gonna drive this sucker home with a cute little puppy on my lap and nobody and their shaming bullshit is going to stop me.
You want to bring me down now after all I've been through?
No fucking way.
This is not about pleasing your mother, or pleasing the audience even.
When you get this far down the road it is only about pleasing yourself and fulfilling your promise with your Maker.
That's the same for you and for me.
I don't have to worry about the people.
They can't make me famous.
Each person who loves me and loves my music is watching helplessly just like I am, and hoping.
It's out of our hands.
It's bigger than any of us.
When the world cracks open and gives you everything, that's because something sacred is happening.
All I can do is cultivate my oneness with my God.
That's what the shows do.
That's what the recordings can do.
That's what the writings can do.
Crack open the riches of the world and allow them to flow for us.
Because we deserve them as much as anyone.
All things are ours because we are loved.
We are not the have nots.
We are children of the Great Creator.
I'm getting the puppy.
All joy surrounds us now.
Demons be damned.
I don't have demons.
I'm not crazy.
I sing in the light of the Holy Spirit.
That's who I am and that's what I do.
Good night friends.
Two radio shows tomorrow!