the water shut off notice will not get me down

The water shut off notice is sitting by the door

and we got more bills than we can pay

But we've kept our freedom and I'm learning to love him

and not give in to dismay

 

There's nothing easy on the road to easy street

this path ain't paved with gold

but if you listen you'll hear the chimes of freedom sounding

and you will never have to sell your soul

no you won't

and you'll have all you need 'til you grow old

 

I got no pact with the Devil

He's got no dirt on me

I'm learning how to treat the ones I love

with kindness and dignity

 

There's nothing easy on the road to easy street 

this path ain't paved with gold 

but if you listen you'll hear the chimes of freedom sounding 

and you will never have to sell your soul 

no you won't 

and you'll have all you need when you grow old

 

That's a new little Hillbilly style song I wrote for you just now.

Inspired by the water shut off notice on our front hall table this morning.

It's 6 a.m. in Minneapolis.

Rob's charming quiet neighborhood is still dark and asleep.

I'm drinking my one big mug of coffee with a spoonful of baker's chocolate and a spoonful of sugar and some cream.

My birthday is Thursday the 13th.

Then Friday, for Valentine's Day, I'll drive up early to Ely...about a five hour drive if the weather is good.

I'll play my big solo show that evening and hopefully we'll have a wonderful time and I'll make some good money.

Saturday I'll have the day off, and they've given me a hotel room for three nights so that's a delight and a blessing.

I plan to take a walk in the Northwoods and then sit in the cozy coffeeshop and work on my *****screenplay******woohoo******yes I'm loving my screenplay writing class.

Sunday I'll play a brunch acoustic show from 11 a.m.-2 p.m.

That will be great too I hope and also provide me with additional funds for the bill paying back home next week.

The water bill has been neglected for two months so it has to be paid in full by February 18th, and that's next Tuesday.

I should be able to deposit money in my bank account and pay it up by Monday.

The deal here is that Rob pays his mortgage because it's his house.

I pay the utilities because I live here and I've pretty much taken over the entire house...which is a good thing...no one disagrees.

Nina my oldest daughter is here developing her artist career and she's doing so much and she's such a golden light here, and she helps me pay the bills.

The thing is that I got hit with a lot of unexpected bills in December and January and I went to the conference in New Orleans, and the dog died, and I got a ticket for talking on my phone in my car....blah blah blah...life happened.

Yesterday I got bitter and worried.

I wrote a blog post.

Then I deleted it.

Then I talked about it on Facebook.

Then I got so so many wonderful kind responses from all sorts of people, some known, some less known to me.

And I learned a big lesson.

I'm crying wolf and I have to stop that.

I'm the lady who cried wolf.

I see that water shut off notice and I panic.

And I say "what does this say about me? What does this say about my relationship with Rob?"

Okay, BIG HONESTY HERE:

I can get scared and say that Rob isn't the right man for me because he doesn't make enough money or doesn't care enough about making a lot of money.

In short, I can look to him, look at him, and blame it on him.

But he is doing great work, he's owned this house for sixteen years, and he's proud that he's earned it all by doing what he loves to do which is help original artists make music albums.

So, forget about blaming Rob.

Okay, then there's BLAME COURTNEY.

I can blame myself for not doing my music career right.

I can blame myself for buying too many clothes.

I can blame myself for not getting a conventional job.

But I'm not going to blame myself at all.....

because I'm super proud of what I'm building here and it isn't all built yet....

but when it is......

it will be self-sustaining and profitable......

and I will be prosperous and free.

I will get out of debt on the merits of my own hard work as an artist.

Big honesty here, telling you that I believe that I'm going to be able to succeed.

But you surely must know that I wouldn't do everything I'm doing if I didn't think that.

When I wrote about my frustrations and poverty on Facebook yesterday it didn't really work right.

I posted a super great announcement the same day about being the headliner for the Friday night performance of a great folk festival in Maine this coming July.

That is a sign that my acclaim is growing.

A factual traceable sign.

The water shut off notice is real but it has a whole big context behind it.

That water shut off notice says I'm sticking to my plan and I'm not wimping out.

I'm not panicking.

I'm patiently waiting until my big lucrative shows come rolling in and I fill my coffers once again.

Okay, so there's that.

The second thing is I complained about my Mom being mean to me again.

Well, last night my difficult mother called me with a tiny scared voice from the hospital.

She put the officer on the phone who brought her there.

He said she was hallucinating and kept calling 911 yesterday evening.

She was afraid to call me because I get mad when she says that people are calling her name in the hallway or that people are taking her wrinkle cream out of her bathroom in her apartment.

She lives in a really nice apartment in a really nice building in a really nice little town where I raised my children.

She's been saying things like this for many years.

And she's called the police many times, even when she lived in Chicago.

Last night they had her stay in the hospital.

She has very good insurance, so that's fine, it's good, it's great, because she's finally having these mental health issues addressed.

I promised to go pick her up today when they release her.

I assume they'll release her, but I don't know that for sure.

It's dementia I assume, but she's had a personality disorder probably her whole life.

Like my brother.

It's ironic that my mother recently said to me that I was her "crazy nutty daughter like Janis Joplin who was also crazy", except that Janis Joplin only lived for twenty-seven years and was a drug addict and never wrote a single song, much less raised three great children, much less was doing the best work of her life at fifty-nine.

None of that matters.

What does matter?

I love my Mom.

I love my kids.

I love Rob.

I love my friends and my fans.

I miss my dog and I want a new puppy.

I love playing my music for people.

I love that so much.

I love making albums and I want to make a new all original songs album this year.

I love my screenwriting class and I found out I love the screenplay format for storytelling.

I love earning money and paying my bills.

I love nice clothes and I love making sure I have cool stuff to wear to be inspired and to be inspiring.

I love my Jeep which has 130,000 miles on it but is in great shape and is all paid for.

I'm going to walk to the grocery store right now and buy some fresh spinach, some mushrooms, and some shallots.

I'm going to grate some Gruyere cheese and make my people a homemade quiche.

Yes I make the crust from scratch with a whole stick of butter.

I can't take this kind of writing on to Facebook again.

This show stays right here.

The people who are really interested come here and read about all of this in the semi-privacy of my little website world.

Ideally if they are really interested they take the time to scroll back and see what's been going on for these past couple years.

They get the context.

If I make a Facebook post about this kind of stuff, every Tom, Dick, and Harry (hahahaha) comes out of the woodwork and slaps a bunch of advice on me.

I have to be more careful with my words.

I have to remember not to panic.

I am on thin ice, but Spring is coming and soon we'll be swimming in the beautiful lakes of summer.

That's how it is.

These are treacherous times, but the treacherous times will give way to beautiful bountiful joyous times if we're careful and we persevere.

Okay, so I'm going to go make my quiche and then I'm going to go get my Mom from the hospital.

Tonight my daughter Nina has a show of her own at the Kitty Kat Club and Rob and I are going.

Lastly, the IRS says I don't have to claim donations from fans when the caption says "happy birthday".

If you'd like to make a contribution to my 2020 album making and touring plans, now would be a great time.

As always, any amount will help.

If you're in the giving spirit today, here's my link, and thank you from the bottom of my heart:

https://www.paypal.me/courtneyyasmineh

 

 

2 comments

  • Sudan Horowitz
    Sudan Horowitz Mpls.
    WOA...I’m out of breath. THAT piece of writing is raw, insightful, relatable and full of life. You really show up. Just a couple of thoughts...a rescue dog for you, get a grant for your hard work and talent. You have proof that you work for all of this, AND deserve it, and can get the $. ❤️ P.S. Nelson sends his best.

    WOA...I’m out of breath. THAT piece of writing is raw, insightful, relatable and full of life. You really show up.

    Just a couple of thoughts...a rescue dog for you, get a grant for your hard work and talent. You have proof that you work for all of this, AND deserve it, and can get the $. ❤️

    P.S. Nelson sends his best.

  • Susan Horowitz
    Susan Horowitz Mpls
    Susan I don’t know why spellcheck wants to say Sudan!

    Susan
    I don’t know why spellcheck wants to say Sudan!

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