Right now I'm kicking around about twenty songs.
There's a lot of good in that, but it would be better for me if I had even eight finished ones instead.
This way is the only way that's working so I don't have a choice.
I set out each day now to finish a song and memorize it.
Instead I end up chipping away at several promising pieces that are not going to finish themselves.
The ones that I find myself singing at random moments are the ones that have the promise, obviously.
When I pour over my pile of handwritten sheets of printer paper....literally a hundred pages or more...A lot of it isn't memorable.
Some of it isn't even recognizable.
I look at some of those scrawls of handwritten verse and I say out loud, "Who wrote this? Where did this come from?"
My sixteen different personalities must be manifesting in this album.
I'm resigning myself to a new process which I see like carving a marble statue.
Michelangelo is quoted as saying he saw the figure of David already there in the marble slab he carved.
My situation may be something like that in the sense that I feel like I'm circling my massive pile of papers, which grows larger by the day.
I circle it, I chip away at it, it's one great mass rather than ten individual songs.
This process may prove futile, it may never work out.
I may end up burning a big pile of worthless effort.
I doubt it though.
I think it'll come to fruition eventually.
Rob is holding my feet to the fire, saying he won't come to the rescue.
I've shown up with half written crap many a time.
It's just so much easier to write down the initial inspiration.
It's so much harder to make sure it all hangs together and makes some kind of valuable sense.
These pieces have to be worth singing over and over again for lots of different people.
But that's a big fat trap to get into as well.
I like to sit and envision myself playing for the barista and the barista alone at the old coffeeshop where I used to play in St. Paul.
Every once in a while a real customer would actually sit down and listen to me and I'd be mortified.
"What do these words even mean? Why can't I play guitar better? Why am I singing so loud when there are only two people listening?"
I was always bitter and angry and scared and sad.
But I wrote any old song and I sang any old song and I didn't give two fucks unless somebody actually stopped to listen.
It's fun to think that all I have to do is write some new material for that Courtney.
That Courtney said whatever she wanted however she wanted because she was pretty darn sure that nobody cared and nobody was listening.
Okay, that's enough inspiration for today.
I'm hitting the guitar.