Mother's Day 2020

There are difficult Mother's Days in a woman's life.

If she miscarried that Spring, that will be a difficult Mother's day.

I would have had a fourth child.

I miscarried in the early Spring and my three little kids and my husband and I stood out in the woods where there was a big stone statue of an angel, and I buried the two or three inches of new life that had bled from me the night before.

We sang the Doxology.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

Praise God all creatures here below

Praise God above ye heavenly hosts

Creator Christ and Holy Ghost


These songs are a bummer when it comes to gender equality and world religion neutrality.

Just try to overlook that stuff for my sake.

I sang as a child in a Lutheran church and I know these kinds of songs.

This is actually the "woke" version with the gender slightly blurred.

Is God a Mother?

Is God the Father and Mother Earth is the Mother?

Do you think that way?

I think The Creator is creative energy and it's all encompassing.

Mother's Day is difficult if you love our scarred and pillaged Mother Earth.

Natalie Merchant from the 10,000 Maniacs band in the eighties or nineties wrote this song I love:


Where in Hell can you go?

Far from the things that you know

Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling it's way

about a thousand miles a day

Motherland cradle me

close my eyes lullaby me to sleep

keep me safe lie with me

stay beside me don't go don't go

don't you go.....


I'll sing this song for you on Saturday night May 16th during my online show.

The song has two more awesome verses and a bridge.

It's very good writing, very hard hitting.

Mother's Day is not for sissies.

If you've lost your mother and she was wonderful, my heart goes out to you.

If your mother is ill and you are trying to help her, my heart goes out to you.

If you never knew your mother and your inner child longs for a mother, my heart goes out to you.

If you had a cruel mother or a negligent mother, if your mother was unable to be a loving mother, let it go.

Get down on your knees in a garden today and be embraced by your true mother, your Mother Earth.

Go into an old mission and light a candle under the statue of the Virgin Mary and let her be your true mother.

Go out into the greatest cathedral of all, the cathedral created by a canopy of towering trees in a great woodland.

Allow yourself to be embraced by the great mothers of all history, for every great mother has enough love for one more child.

Let that child be you.

My heart is big enough.

I am mother and I am child.


My mother sleeps in the next room this morning.

I have given her safety and peace of mind for this whole past week leading up to Mother's Day.

We understand better now that she has had voices in her head that she hid from others maybe most of her life.

She told Rob yesterday that they only used to come out late at night and not every night but that now they're with her all day and all night.

She was humming yesterday in the kitchen and she told Rob they were "singing a song with her".

She told Rob that she thinks they're "taking over".

Good Lord.

Well, we're coming to the rescue as best we can with the pills her doctor prescribed two years ago but she refused to take.

This is a stronger dose, the new prescription.

And tonight , on Mother's Day, is the first night of the whole pill.

We've been gradually getting her to go from a quarter, to a half, to three quarters.

Tonight she'll take the whole pill and tomorrow I'll drive her across town to her apartment.

She'll either do okay or she'll get evicted.

If she gets evicted she goes to the very nice assisted living complex nearby.

She sort of has to either sink or swim because to get out of her lease she has to do something to make them want her to leave.

Knocking on other people's doors in the middle of the night, every night, telling them there's a bomb in the parking garage oughta do it.

All good, all good either way.

If she's no longer a candidate for independent living, pill or no pill,  we might as well find out sooner than later.

Let go let God.


Mother's Day 2020.

I told my Mom last night that I'm dedicating this new song to her.

She really likes it!

She says it's my best song yet!

Her face lights up when I sing it!

Here it is again for you on this cold but beautiful Mother's Day morning.


Hope 2020

The main thing my friend is not to let fear overtake you

and the trouble you've seen let it not overwhelm you

Keep your heart light

Keep your chin up

Stay open to the possibilities

and don't regret anything you've done

You're as radiant as the Sun

All you ever did is your best

even when your life put you to the test

I know all along you've been blessed


There's no reason to think Hope would leave you now

when you need it most

you got a big heart and love will see you through

We've got enough for the whole world just between us two

So keep your heart light

Keep your chin up

Stay open to the possibilities

and don't regret anything you've done

You're as radiant as the Sun

all you ever gave was your best

even when your life put you to the test

I know all along you've been blessed


Mother's Day 2020.

My daughter Nina and I are going back to the garden center I discovered near our house.

She's going to walk the little stone paths with me because I love paths, and gardens, and plants, and trees, and woods, and waters.

We've invited my mother but she says it's too cold outside.

Nina leaves for L.A. this week and will be gone at least a month.

Jordan my six foot five "little son" will be here today in time for Rob's Mother's Day brunch.

My Ava is in Colorado working hard on herself, which is wonderful.

Rob came home with bags of groceries and a box from the liquor store.

He said, "I've got Mother's Day covered."

Nina says he bought a quiche and a bunch of side dishes from the deli yesterday and he's going to be heating and serving today at noon.

He'll be serving Mimosas too!

Great! What an awesome man.

His mother died before I met him.

He is the sixth of seven children from a Polish Catholic family.

His parents loved each other deeply.

Rob closed his recording studio for almost a year when his mother was dying of cancer and he moved back into his childhood home and helped his father care for her until she died.

After she died his father would sit in his favorite chair at night and hold a photograph of her in his big hands and cry.

Rob understands deep love and loyalty.

Rob has said this, "My mother never treated anyone poorly".

I hang my head to these words.

I can't say this about my mother, and worse yet I can't say this about myself.

But I can tell you that my two daughters are of this caliber of womanhood.

Maybe their children will be able to say this some day of them.

Hope 2020.

Happy Mother's Day.

I hope it's a good one for you.

It's a pretty darn good one for me, all things considered.




1 comment

  • Priscilla
    Priscilla St. Paul
    Eloquently said, Courtney, wishing you joy on this Mother’s Day.

    Eloquently said, Courtney, wishing you joy on this Mother’s Day.

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