I've received a message from the Universe.
It's about cleaning out my closet.
Yesterday I was reading the Louise Hay book and she was saying how important it is not to hold on to old things because you are still trying to justify having bought them in the first place.
I have never thought of my closet that way.
I think of it as this lovely and fun and carefully curated funhouse of personal madness.
Well, maybe that's one in the same.
I didn't realize that there are things that I've been trying to force into everyday use just because I spent so much on it five years ago.
Now, in defense of keeping things around, I wore a leather jacket with a fur collar to my show last night and received enthusiastic compliments about it.
The jacket is as old as anything else in my closet, and I've kept it all this time, and I haven't worn it for a year or two at a time I think.
It's the jacket on the cover of the Red Letter Day album, and it has a bright red lining, so I am probably never going to get rid of it anyway, but still.
I have suddenly decided that it's perfect this season.
And apparently it is since others are liking it too.
That's a closet success story.
But, there are other items that are probably holding me back.
That sounds dramatic but maybe it is that important.
As far as the message from the Universe part goes, there were more signs yesterday.
I got dressed early for my show yesterday because I knew that I was heading into a new phase by starting this winter residency.
I knew I wanted time to try on several outfits to see how I'd like to present myself for this new phase of performances.
I was trying on some older outfits, things I used to think worked perfectly for me.
My figure is great right now, so all the clothes fit just as well or better than they have in years.
It's not about that, thank God.
But I've changed my self image in my mind.
New experiences, and honestly, new successes, have changed my opinion of my public persona.
So I was trying all these older outfits on that I have worn to play my smaller week day shows in recent years, and most of it felt just like, tone deaf, or out of tune, or not in tune.
Nina came home and saw me struggling with all these clothes heaped on the bed and everywhere upstairs.
She suddenly quoted the Louise Hay part of the book I had just been reading.
I looked at her and said, "That's the part I'm on right now."
And she laughed and said, "Well, it must really be affecting you."
She said that she's never seen me pull out so much stuff and try it all on like that since she's been living here.
I talked about how my ideas are really shifting and that the closet I set up, in the nice space Rob gave me when I first moved in here three years ago, just doesn't feel the same to me now.
Nina then showed me a woman's Instagram page who is a trendsetting "influencer" in fashion and art, and Nina said that she's around my same age too.
I looked at the woman's photos and I stopped to read one of the captions, and I swear to God, the one I chose to read said, "I feel it's important to clean out my closet from time to time and let things go so I can stay modern, and stay current."
I'm not staying modern and staying current by holding on to too much stuff.
I told Nina the Louise Hay line about wearing things that you're still trying to justify buying.
Nina said, "Yeah Mom, you shouldn't have to do that."
Okay, permission out of the mouths of babes.
Permission from the Universe.
My closet doesn't get to say to me, "you've made your bed, now go lay in it."
I don't have to keep trying to make that ill fitting dress that never quite works work.
So starting today I'm gathering up things I am not going to struggle over or feel guilty about any longer, and I'm driving them over to the place called Buffalo Exchange on Lyndale and 26th.
I'm going to see if they'll give me any money for my cast offs.
If they don't then I'm driving hem the rest of the way over to the nearest donation site.
Am I afraid I'll make some regrettable decisions?
Yes, I am.
When I left New York City three years ago, I had to get rid of a fair amount of clothes and furnishings just to be able to afford the moving expenses.
I remember that purging with pain in my heart.
I said that to Nina last night, but she said, "That was different Mom because you didn't want to do it, you were being forced to, so you didn't feel good about it."
I was being forced by circumstances, yes.
Now, I want to do this.
I hope I have the courage.
I hope I have the positive energy to do this.
I'm starting today.
Love from the back of the closet.