My mental health is very affected by the mental health of those around me.
Yesterday I did a lot of crying.
At one point I was leaving next week to move in with my daughter Ava in Colorado....for a while.
Don't ask me.
Maybe it's the quarantine blues.
My mother certainly isn't doing well with all of this.
The new medication we convinced her to take so she could go back to sleeping at night and not hearing things isn't working.
The doctor has suggested she go up from a quarter of a pill at bed time to a half a pill at bedtime.
I was hoping he'd say, "What?! You thought your daughter was screaming in the basement of your building...and the building doesn't even have a basement? And this was in the middle of the day? Take the whole pill! In fact, take two, they're small!"
But this is not the sit com I'd like to be writing.
This is real life.
My brother called me "Sister C".
The full name was "Sister C Sneeze" because I had allergies and sneezed a lot.
He wanted to be a writer, and used to say to me, "Sister C, God is just handing us the chapters."
God is continuing to hand me the chapters.
The greatest story ever told, we're living it, a continuation of all the great texts of all history.
Last night, me in my newly patched denim jeans, my new tie dye t shirt, my fringe jacket, a big multi-colored scarf around my neck, wrapped in a blanket and a quilt, out on the wicker lawn love seat, Rob in the chair, lanterns lit around us, the stars never so bright in the city, and pretzels and mustard, beer, wine, bourbon.
Me crying about how I want to stay and plant the strawberry plants like we planned.
I don't know why I got it into my head to take off, except that Ava my daughter in Denver was getting me all riled up about how I haven't succeeded.
She was thinking that something is holding me back.
I'm not being held back.
I am free.
I'm free to be me.
I don't need to drive myself and my little dog to Denver and stay in my daughter's apartment with her to prove to myself that I'm free to be me.
I'm doing great.
I'm going to get my new album made.
That's what I'm about.
And in the meantime I'm going to plant some strawberries.
We got a big bag of straw from a gardener down the street yesterday.
Life is good.
Stay the course.
Enjoy the ride.
Don't let all the crazy around you get you down.
Stay the course.
Today I get to do my first social distancing artist consultation on Rob's big front porch.
I can't wait!
I'll get to hear how my friend and colleague has been faring and I'll get to work on her music with her.
I'm also going to go get those strawberry plants.
Have a great day.
Don't second guess it, stay the course.
Your life is leading you, you don't need to make any rash decisions.