integrity in troubled times

I've earned some money this week, and I've received help from some fans.

I'll be okay for a while.

My thirty-five thousand dollars in debt is unsecured bank loans/credit debt.

I was given these credit lines when I had money from my divorce, all given to me almost twenty years ago.

Over the years I used these lines of credit thinking my ship would come in, but it hasn't yet.

In the last three years, as a full time touring and recording artist, funding it all myself, I used up these lines of credit.

Now I have the monthly payments to tread water.

I thought yesterday about defaulting on these lines of credit with the bank.

These are "unsecured" so the banker told me herself that there's very little they can do to get the money out of me....especially since I have no extra money.

I could stop paying.

The accounts would go to collections.

The collections people would help me make arrangements.

But I don't get to talk to the collections people until I'm at least two months behind.

I've never missed a payment.

I'm not behind, and thanks to the money I received this week, I don't need to get behind.

If I want to pull my few hundred dollars out of the bank..keep it in cash...and tell the bank I can't pay them...I could do that.

I talked about it with my mother and my family yesterday.

They all said it wasn't the worst idea in the world.

Now would be an appropriate time, with no income coming in from shows.

But defaulting feels dishonorable.

Defaulting also feels like defeat.

Defaulting feels like I have no faith any more.

I would have bad credit after that.

Right now, I have okay credit because I've never missed a payment.

It will get better and better the more I'm able to pay down one of the lines of credit.

That's what my banker told me.

She said that if I pay the minimum on two lines and focus on paying down one line, that would be good enough for now.

She said that if I get one line paid down, just even like three thousand of the debt paid down, there would be new hope.

I could probably qualify then for the debt consolidation loan I want.

If I qualify, then I only have one payment each month of three hundred or so.

I would be free.

I would have good credit then because I'd have a better debt to income ratio.

One line of credit, my actual cash rewards credit card, would remain..and be paid off in full.

The other two lines which were extended to me when I owned a home many years ago and were meant to fund my albums during that time, those would be closed and disappear entirely.

It would all be through my same bank where I've been a customer for thirty years.

Hallelujah.

So this plan depends on me continuing to make money.

This plan depends on me continuing to live at Rob's house.

This plan depends on me continuing to be healthy.

This plans depends on me continuing to turn out lovable material for my fans.

Can I do it?

Yes I can!

I will not default like a coward on my debts that I incurred in more optimistic times!

I will use new optimism to pay down the debts and take back my power!

I will stand and sing on the Newport Folk Festival Main Stage!

It will happen!

Miracles are dancing at our feet, whispering in our ears, glowing like mirages on the desert sand before us.

Miracles are our currency.

Miracles are who we are.

God bless us every one.

The Sun is shining today and Tobi and I are going to take a nice long walk along the great Mississippi. 

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