I stand corrected.
How awesome is this......a woman from the church choir I have been singing with wrote to tell me she likes my blog yesterday....but she wanted to point out the "lead" and "led" are two different spellings...which I clearly did not grasp in yesterday's post and some previous posts.
How am I supposed to be writing a book about being "led" if I don't even know which way to spell it?
Maybe I was thinking it was like "lead" paint.
Is that what I was thinking?
If you read this blog a lot and you notice crap like that...do let me know if you feel inclined and have the time to tell me.
Thanks to the bright and kind woman who set me straight yesterday!
I went to the fortune teller yesterday.
Why do I keep doing that?
Like every two years I go talk to a psychic.
Maybe you should too.
The ones I've gone to have all been totally legit.
Nothing phony about it.
They really know it and see it and they can help you.
I have all sorts of bizarre stories about stuff they've known about me when they've never met me before.
Yesterday the fortune teller had never met me before.
I was afraid to go and I wanted to cancel.
One thing was that this fortune teller is also a published author and I saw on her website that she is represented by the literary agent who I had wanted to represent me.
But my interactions with the agent went very badly and for some reason she was very snippy and rude to me the whole time we interacted.
But during that same period she took on this woman the fortune teller.
So, whatever, nothing I can do about that.
But I didn't want to feel bad about myself.
I'm fifteen years older than this woman, but I felt I had less to show for what I've tried to accomplish.
So I went into it in a frightened state of mind.
The fortune teller was very kind and she was quickly aware of my struggles.
She said that I seemed to be a person who has gone through a lot.
She said I seemed to be a person who has been walked on and taken advantage of by others.
Those were hard things to hear.
I always like to think of myself as the captain of my ship, as the champion of my destiny.
I don't like a different story where people have deceived me to take advantage of me.
I don't like the story being told that I was vulnerable, I had a lot of gifts and people tried to manipulate me for their own gain.
There was a lot more to it but I went home and cried some more.
I told Nina and Rob who were sitting in the living room having coffee when I got back...it was an early morning reading.
The woman told me that my daughter is protective and nurturing to me and that the man I live with is someone I can trust and lean on.
She told me to be careful that I don't project my mistrust of men onto this man because he has my best interest at heart.
I can be very hard on Rob and he gets the brunt of my resentment toward my father, my brother, the past husbands, the men in music who tried to use me.
That's some heavy shit people.
She said she thought I must have many ex-lovers, that she was getting a vision of many men in my past.
But I told her that there were really only four men in my past, and that all the rest were relationships that I wanted to work with the guy for my music and they wanted it to be something else, something romantic.
I never went along with the romantic part on any of those relationships, but I left the possibility vaguely open in order to keep working with these men.
Rob even used to say that if I went to the meetings alone I was able to achieve more...from a purely business standpoint...than if he accompanied me...because the business men in the music arena worked more by inspiration...and the inspiration they needed was too often a sense that romance might be possible.
I let plenty of men think that it might be possible in order to keep the business negotiations going.
I never did anything sexual at all with any of them, but it was often sort of a close call.
One guy in a band I was auditioning for...to be their opening act...went to the bathroom in the hotel suite where the band was staying on tour and he came back out in just a towel....I threw my guitar in my case and ran for the door...he let me escape because he probably really wasn't a bad guy and probably really thought I wanted him to do that.
Okay, well, none of this is meant to offend anyone.
Male and female readers alike, you all know I am not a man hater.
To the contrary, I have a lot of affection and gratitude for all the men I work with in my music career.
It's just kind of telling that the psychic picked up on all of them as being a whole treasure trove of old lovers.
On this subject, and just for fun, I will say that I once worked with a guitarist who told us one night on tour that he had slept with one hundred and twenty-three women on last count.
He was counting.
And that was a lot of women.
We were all shocked and there was much laughter and joking about this.
Famous musician John Mayer just recently said that he was proud to be in the "under five hundred" club of women he had slept with.
Fewer than five hundred.
I, for the record, am in the fewer than ten club.
Just to say.
To process the meeting with the psychic, I'm writing myself one of my little handwritten books, entitled "The Intuitive Reading January 4th, 2020".
I'm trying to remember everything she said.
But the good news is that there was a lot about how I'm moving into a new realm from my old ideas of forcing things to work and into my new idea of waiting silently, listening, and surrendering to be led by the holy spirit.
I'm waiting and listening and believing and having faith.
I'm working from being led, watching for signs, and then obeying what the signs are telling me.
One thing she said yesterday is that I should reread the second manuscript..the second Sidney book...and see if I want to change anything.
That's a good idea, must be done, I must obey, and I don't want to at all, but I must.
I hate reading through my writings.
I hate it.
But I must obey because she said I've changed now and I may want to revise it.
I wrote it a year ago and I was completely different then...exaggeration...but certainly somewhat different then.
this morning I sing in the church choir but I get to play guitar and sing the Mary part of a Peter, Paul, and Mary song.
I get to sing the first verse solo.
The only thing is that the song "Light One Candle" is a very serious song written by Peter Yarrow as a dedication to the sufferings of the Jewish people.
But a man at the church...the Christian church where I am singing...rewrote the lyrics to make them about Christianity instead.
Is that legal?
Can you write new lyrics to somebody's song and perform them?
But more importantly, I think it's disrespectful to the Jewish culture to do something like that.
If white people can get into trouble from the Culture Police for wearing braids in their hair like the corn-rows of Afro-American culture, then I don't think you can take a song written passionately to describe the Jewish struggle and rewrite it about baby Jesus.
I'm going to sing it this morning, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this idea of changing the lyrics.
If I ever sing this song again I'm only going to sing the real lyrics.
You gotta stand up for what's right in this world.
Have a great day my friend.