Today a very smart and nice red haired guy, who's a bankruptcy attorney, is going to file my bankruptcy paperwork.
That makes it official.
I worked hard to get myself into this mess and I'm working hard to get myself out of it...meant in humor and in truth.
I'm getting a "bail out".
I'm giving up and giving in.
I also had to take the initiative, get the lawyer all the paperwork he needs, raise the funds for his fees, and have the courage to pull the trigger.
Some advised that I get a debt consolidation plan put together but in these times of no or uncertain income I didn't qualify for any monthly payment plan.
Some advised I stop paying on my three lines of credit that are all with one bank and all very old, from my past divorce, now some fifteen years ago or more.
If there's no money coming in and no minimums get paid, and the interest and fees just keep adding up, the three maxed out lines of credit will go to collections.
I could then work with the collections department to set up a payment solution.
But leaving the accounts neglected until they go to collections would ruin my still quite decent credit rating.
The other choice because I have no assets, no property, no savings....in short, nothing to lose...is bankruptcy.
What this gives me is a clean slate to start my career anew as this pandemic situation reshapes the world around me.
I will come out on the other end owning my old car that I paid for in full long ago, my guitars which are the lifeblood, my bicycle, my bedroom furniture.
I have a bunch of cool clothes still...as you know...very honed down to the essentials now....and very well loved.
I've got a lot of intellectual property in songs and writings, but they aren't worth very much because my acclaim isn't great enough for that.
But that can change!
I can build my acclaim now without the monkey on my back of massive debt.
I had to earn twice as much every month to pay the minimum payments and it always went right back up again with interest charges.
There may be a small chance that the bankruptcy won't go through properly, but my lawyer said it's a very simple and obvious case and he has no doubts.
So, today is an important day for me.
Bravery to say I didn't manage it all properly.
Bravery to say I had wishful thinking about how my career would grow.
Bravery to say I'm ready to live without any landing net of credit for however long the world sees fit for me.
Some people say that for seven years I will have only my new debit card attached to my new bank account my Mom helped me open.
Some people say that times have changed and my circumstances being what they are, with no debts at all, I'll be free to build my savings, build my credit.
The lawyer says my credit score will drop by about 100 points, but that's still in a fair range.
And I will be able to build it back up now with no debts holding me back.
I am a changed woman.
Living as the wife of a man who makes a lot of money can alter all your perspectives.
It isn't bad, I guess, it just changes you.
But I've lived with and without money several times now.
I watched my Dad lose everything and fall into despair.
I watched my mother lose everything and pull herself up by her bootstraps, working as an x ray technician for twenty years after my Dad was gone.
I lived through those years when she bravely kept her parents' cabin on Lake Vermilion alive.
I know how to lose everything.
I know how to work hard.
I know how to rise like a phoenix.
I'm free to rise now.
This is going to be the best and greatest era of our lives.
P.S. I haven't had a fever in over 24 hours, for the first time in a week. I believe I'm coming out of the Virus. I also believe that my financial fears and worries as the quarantine set in made me more vulnerable to the disease. I feel a great sense of accomplishment today for what I was able to achieve with the lawyer and for coming through the illness all at once the way I have. I think it was all divine intervention. Thank you for all your help and support. This blog has been and continues to be my lifeline.