I dreaded the switch over to my new hosting site, called "Bandzoogle" which I didn't think was a name that inspired confidence.
But I'm here and it seems to be working!
I thought about letting all the content on my website die with the "Hostbaby" site when it went down yesterday.
I've had this website for fifteen years I think.
There are photos that certainly date back that far.
Is that the best foot forward for me now?
I don't know.
I have the idea that I could still start a fresh new website from scratch on "Squarespace".
If I end up liking it better then I could dump this one.
We shall see.
It's like the closet full of clothes.
What's the use of dragging the past around with you?
You're different now.
You'd make different choices now.
Why drag the old choices around?
In the aftermath of my little dog Aidan's death, I have a sense of all things being negotiable.
Nothing seems permanent or even particularly necessary.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
I guess that's true.
How do we move forward with all this untethered freedom, like an astronaut held to the spaceship by only a thin cord of oxygen?
What's even holding me here at all?
Where could I roam now with no one to answer to?
I'd go back to New Orleans and ride that trolley car, get off in different neighborhoods and play my guitar.
I'd stay at the hostel until something more permanent developed.
Maybe I'd let my loans default, let my responsibilities go.
Lose my cell phone service, lose my connections.
This website would just sputter out on it's own if I didn't pay the bill.
Your children are not saddled with your debts whether you're alive or dead.
I know from my father's disappearance, and again from my brother's, that when you don't want to be found, no one can find you.
Never think you're out of choices until you try this one.
Disappearance is an option.
God bless my mean old Mom for never disappearing on me even when I wished she would.
And now she's even pretty darn nice.
I don't know, but all I can think about lately is that little green trolley car down in New Orleans.