everything is new

Everything seems new to me ever since I let myself fall.

I have a song, one that I didn't quite understand, that says, "..nothing's the same as it was, nothing's the same as it was, nothing's the same as it was before you let yourself fall...."

Tower Card is the name of the song.

I have been wondering what that song means.

Now I know.

When I quit the winter residency which was a false hope of keeping myself afloat, I finally fell all the way.

I have fallen.

It doesn't mean what I thought it meant.

It's more like the old church people who used to say that you fall right into the loving arms of Jesus.

Well, I don't know about loving arms of Jesus or not, but it's like letting go and sort of giving up but with this weird unexpected feeling of magic and wonder and strange twinkling faith around it.

Like you actually expect something wonderful to happen as a result of this fall.

I feel this.

It's like if you stop running all around like the chicken who's head has been severed...as they say...you find that in the stillness and the listening and waiting.....God has moved in and set up shop.

Could this be?

Maybe it is.

We shall see.

Last night I went out to a small old bar to see several musicians play.

Some of them I know, some I didn't know.

Several people were asking me about my upcoming shows.

I just sort of shrugged and said that I guess I'm sort of on a holiday vacation now.

It felt great.

It felt like a sparkly magical lovely thing to get to say.

Today is Mister Rob G's birthday.

I was a bit worried...as usual...about how to buy some nice groceries for a birthday tribute of some sort later today.

This morning I awoke to a message from Paypal saying a fan had sent me twenty-five dollars.

I checked into it, and this fan from Brugge, Belgium had stiffed me I thought on my last tour...took two cds and promised to come back with money or send money and never did.

Well, the guy suddenly remembered apparently, and on Rob's birthday no less!

I am a lily of the field and all things are mine 'cause I am loved.

Let yourself fall, you can't avoid it, you'll just prolong your agony.

I'll keep you posted on how my fall is coming along, needless to say.

How is this blog so awesome? How could writing a little tiny drop worth of writing in the vast ocean of the internet be so rewarding?

I know not, but I love this.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting and journeying with me.

Love to you where ever today takes you.

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