If I don't focus on money, what will happen?
I'm tired of making it my focus.
I felt I needed to focus on money in order to survive and make my music my business.
But now I think I'd be better off focusing one hundred percent on the real work and let the chips fall where they may financially.
I have learned to live within my means in a very humble and careful way.
That has been one of the big lessons of my new life as a single woman, no longer receiving financial support from a husband who had plenty of money.
I live with Rob and my daughter Nina now, and all three of us are in the same boat financially, each of us working hard to achieve our own goals on limited budgets, so there's no one to really fall back on, but Rob pays his mortgage and we pay the utilities and so far we're all happy and doing good work, which is what we all want to be doing.
This is a moment in time.
My circumstances will undoubtedly change again, and certainly my daughter won't be living with me for long.
I want to savor the present moment.
When I'm playing my shows right now I don't want to be thinking about whether I'm going to get paid and how much I'm going to get paid.
I don't want the joy of the night to rise and fall on what I took home in terms of money.
If the music is good and everyone in attendance was happy and satisfied, that's the biggest gift to me and to them.
I'm not going to undercut my progress by going out and getting a day job so I don't have to rely on the revenue from my shows.
I think needing the money does actually help keep me motivated.
But the best way to channel that is to be keenly focused on connecting with my music to my audience, connecting on a satisfying spiritual level.
If I connect with people, they want to own my recordings and my books and my merchandise.
It's an organic natural thing.
If I am giving something that helps them they will give me money to help me continue.
That's how music works and it does work because that's how "currency" works, we barter with each other in this world all day long.
I'm going to focus on having faith that the bartering will work and continue to work by me continuing to bring the best of myself to this musical pursuit of mine.
I'm going to leave the story of "Courtney is scared about money" on the cutting room floor from now on.
It's not me.
It doesn't serve me.
I have faith.
If you have faith you are not afraid.
You believe that all you need will be provided.
I leave for Europe in a month, with two of my bandmates.
That is an incredible miracle.
I am ready willing and able.
We will have a brand new album with us to sell, to play, to promote, to share.
I will leave my fear on the cutting room floor for this new film of my life's work.
It's a narrative that does not work.
I am brave, I am humble, I have faith.