You'll find a link on the home page of my website on Saturday around 5pm.
You can click on it and it will be a free live concert from 7-9:30pm.
I will give you my very best.
I'm excited about this.
Fear is my enemy and money is my rival.
Gratitude is the remedy and love is my survival.
It's going to be a fun night.
Yesterday I drove out to my Mom's apartment with Nina and Tobi the puppy.
My Mom has been wanting me to make a new checking account at the little community bank where she lives.
It's across the street from her apartment building.
So yesterday she handed me a check, with money from the sale of our cabin, and she had me drive across the street to the bank and start a checking account with her check for $1000.
She doesn't want me to use the money.
She wants it to be there forever.
That's the way my Mom is and I respect her and love her for that.
Money is very important to my mother.
She nurtures it, she takes good care of it, she learns about it, she watches the business programs and she watches the stock markets.
My Dad had his own investment banking business.
Dundon and Company...my Dad was Ronald W. Dundon.
Before that he worked for Walston Investments out of Texas, but Ross Perot got into trouble for investment fraud.
Before that he worked for E. F. Hutton as a branch manager in investments.
My Dad and my Mom loved money.
I am working so hard to break this curse.
The obsession with money.
My Dad always knew he had the option to declare bankruptcy.
It was discussed during those last fateful days, when I was fifteen and my family was losing everything.
I heard it said many times that he could declare bankruptcy and go back to being a V.P. at E.F. Hutton.
I wish he had done that.
He might still be alive.
My brother might still be alive too.
My mother might have had a happy life.
But I wouldn't have spent that fateful winter of 1978 alone in the cabin on Lake Vermilion.
I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference.
And now I stand on the precipice of bankruptcy myself.
I am not too afraid and I am not too prideful.
I'm prepared for the punishing aftermath.
I'm prepared to be hog tied in a limbo of cash only transactions.
Every choice has it's price.
Leaving the doctor in hopes of a more authentic life was a choice.
I left because I had a dream...but it's not what you think.
The dream I had was of a love that would be a soul mate.
I knew I still hadn't found that.
I wanted to keep searching for that.
I believed it existed.
Eventually I found it.
I have that now.
The aftermath of leaving was a radical change of lifestyle that occurred gradually as the money from the divorce ran out and I doggedly pursued my music career.
What you don't know is that my music career is enough to support me now if it weren't for the shadow of debt left over from the past.
If the debt could somehow be eradicated, I'm okay, doing what I do.
The tone of this blog will change forever if that debt is gone.
Contrary to all past statements by me, my debt has little to do with my music career.
All of it is with USBank and all of it occurred in the year and a half when my house was on the market and didn't sell.
We all thought my house was an investment for me.
We all thought it would sell for a big profit.
Instead the city I lived in started a massive restructuring of the sewage system and it went right past my beautiful old house.
They closed my street and they tore it up and my house was on the market already and there was nothing I could do because my alimony had run out and it was my exact planned time to sell, ten years after I bought it, just like I always said I would.
The house should have sold for a great price within a month.
Instead, I had already signed a lease on my wonderful little NYC apartment and the house sat for a year and a half.
I toured, I made "Red Letter Day", and I went deeply into debt.
But I was sure, and so was my bank, that when my house sold I could pay it all off.
The house finally sold for a third less than we projected.
The road was still all torn up.
The people who bought it got a great deal.
And I was able to pay off everything but the $30,000 in unsecured credit debt with USBank.
So I've carried it, for five years, paying as much as I could every month, the minimum being over $700 every month.
I've been scared.
I've been determined.
I've been blind with my ambition to succeed, to rise above this debt, to put my affairs aright, to thrive.
I don't want to do what my Dad did and just give up and disappear.
I want to make this right.
I want my family to be proud of me.
I won't turn my back on my family the way my Dad did.
I'm going to be someone they can count on.
I'm going to be someone they can believe in.
Right now, with the most unique set of circumstances a girl could ever hope for....a world wide disaster that affects her income drastically as it affects every business around her for miles and miles as far as the eye can see.....
I think declaring bankruptcy and saying that I've done all I can and at least temporarily I'm out of steam is the solution.
I've approached USBank every possible way and they don't want to negotiate with me.
In these five years I've paid them well over $30,000 in interest payments just to stay current with my accounts with them.
They've made back my debts with them in interest payments and fees already.
When this disaster is all over I would begin again to take up my yoke with them, and the additional accrued interest would make it that much more of a burden.
My debt came from making a massive lifestyle change from doctor's wife to full time artist.
I wanted the end of one life to dovetail perfectly with the beginning of the new life.
I fell $30,000 short of a perfect dovetail.
Considering how much of a massive shift I accomplished, raising three wonderful kids and making eight albums, touring in Europe and the US, I think it's a miracle I'm still standing!
I have accomplished a lot.
I have a lot of intellectual property with my first published novel, my additional manuscripts, my many songs I've written, my recordings.
I have three great children, all college educated, all thriving, thank God.
I have the grace and the glory of my relationship with Rob who is my long dreamed of soul mate.
And I have my relationships, my many many beautiful relationships, with so many incredible people around the globe.
Toshihiko Tori in Tokyo who designs the Guyatone brand and encourages me playing my Guyatone Feather guitar.
Petra and Heike and Dennis and Michael and more friends, too many to mention, in Bremen.
The cast and crew in Brussels, Cafe Bizon.
The friends and fans and lovers in NYC.
Swindon Bee Hive with dear Andy, and The Cobblestone in Dublin.
J. P. Brandt in central France, Jaad and dear Annie in Amsterdam, Wim and Ronald and Frank and Paul and all the crew in Doetinchem.
Reichenbach, Brugge, Antewerp, Appeldoorn.
These people, I so love.
All my friends and deeply supportive music lovers in Upstate New York, Jamestown, Buffalo, Syracuse, Rochester.
Denver, Portland, all the towns down the coast to L.A. and out through the desert to Santa Fe, New Mexico.
I love all this, all these people, all these music lovers, all these towns and cities, all these concert halls and churches and bars where I've played.
Please God don't make me lay down with the swords through me like the tarot card depiction of defeat.
I'm declaring bankruptcy to complete a Holy Grail.
I'm going to do what my Dad couldn't but should have.
I'm going to admit defeat before it's too late.
Cut my losses so I can rise again.
I'm doing this people.
I want to be an example for women, and for older people who feel a stirring of potential and youth still in their bones.
Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself the truth.
Time has not run out.
You are not defeated.
Your pride and the confines of societal norms do not have you hog tied.
You are free to make big bold decisions.
You are still young.
You are still strong.
You are not dead yet.
Do what needs to be done to get yourself free.
The truth is that USBank does not care about it's relationship with me.
I am going to do what I need to do and I will literally pay the consequences but in the end I will have dug a tunnel from beneath the prison with a spoon and I will be free.
Do whatever you need to do and I will too.
As my grandfather used to say Life Is Too Short To Be Little.