avoidance

I rode my bicycle twelve miles again yesterday.

Two days in a row, sort of a last hurrah of summer.

I think I'm going for three in a row today.

I take Tobi for a long walk first.

I take a really long time to make the circle out to Lake Nokomis, then Lake Harriet, then back home.

I stop to look at Gold Finches in branches along the trail.

I stop to wheel my bike close to the Minnehaha Creek that the trail follows all the way out and back.

I stand on the edge of the creek, my hiking boots right up to the edge of the water.

I love to see the clear water and the clean pebbles, so much like my days in Vermont.

I used to stand in the creeks in Vermont when I was nine months pregnant with my first child in August of 1990.

I stop and I ponder, as I think a person should.

Or I stop and observe, with nothing in my mind, as I think a person should.

I stop and eat a cookie at the old fashioned Nokomis Beach Coffee Shop.

I sing songs that I'm making up as I pedal.

I conjure new song ideas.

Lately I ask myself if my song idea is as good as Bruce Springsteen in his Nebraska album or as good as the new Taylor Swift album.

I'm not thinking about Bob Dylan right now.

I never think about Bruce Springsteen. I never think about Taylor Swift.

So I think it's good, refreshing.

When I'm gone on my bike for hours, Tobi has to fend for himself.

He's a big overgrown baby now at nine months of age.

He doesn't like to be alone.

Usually Rob is here working out in the back studio, but he has the mixing console fired up so he's not paying attention to the little imp.

If Rob's home we leave the back kitchen door propped open so Tobi can have fun going out into the backyard.

He goes out and scratches at the studio door and goes in to check on his Dad.

He runs around chasing the chipmunk and the squirrels.

By the time I get back there's usually a sock of his Dad's and maybe a paper towel roll from the recycling pulled apart in the back yard.

Not too much trouble, just a little trouble.

All of this is to state that I'm not getting the songs ready for the new album in a timely fashion.

I'm procrastinating.

I'm afraid of the writing, I'm afraid of the process of working with Rob again.

I'm afraid of spending the money I saved up.

It's been so nice to have the money in the bank.

But the money represents opportunity and making an album is my ticket to the ball.

The ball is whatever I can make of my music in 2021.

I don't want to be sidelined if there are opportunities.

A new album made now IS money in the bank for a great time to come.

Without the album there is no fun.

The money sitting in a minimum interest gaining savings account at the bank is not fun at all, it's false security.

It's not enough to be secure, to be insulated from trouble or hardship.

The album can give me much more....if it's good.

The pressure is on.

Be myself.

Be honest.

Write it down.

October 1st is our beginning date.

I can't just ride around on my bicycle.

Well, I can.

It's probably helping, honestly.

It clears my mind and it puts distance between me and my world.

It brings me closer to my God.

The bicycling is not the problem.

I'll do it.

I know I will.

I will deliver, I must deliver.

Have a great Tuesday.

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