a small feeling of a break through

Small feeling of breaking through. Breaking through layers to get to the living figure beneath the stone's surface. Songwriter as sculptor. But the vision that is the statue to me is for the album as a whole, not the individual song. I decided to start typing up songs individually on my laptop now. Usually I don't do that until they're landed and well inside the boat. Oh another metaphor has arisen, this one is for each little song. I'm typing up fish I can barely see, fish who are circling my little wooden boat. "You get a line I'll get a pole, honey." I've got fish on the lines, several little wooden poles in on different sides of my boat. Pull one into the boat, put one on the stringer. But it's not until I've fleshed them out with words and melody, made sure I've got every nuance captured, that I can release them to the deep waters again. When the album comes out I release the songs to the listener and I hope the listener can see them shimmer and shine. A young man I've never met told my son recently that he reads my blog. My son was very impressed with this. It definitely doesn't occur to my grown children that their mother's words might speak to their peers. I hope, if you're reading this, that you'll understand that I'm trying to save myself here. This morning practice is a life line for me. It's a note in a bottle cast out onto the vast ocean from a tiny island where I'm forever shored up and living in isolation. I have people around me, people who love me, people who care deeply for me and my daily welfare, just as I care for them. But these matters of the inner life are never easily expressed over coffee in the morning face to face. Some things can only be captured through writing. Some things can only be captured through song. It's a privilege and a curse. It's a gift and a burden. What do I like to do? I like to write. A pen. A blank sheet of paper. A new notebook. A new blog post. A new word document on my laptop. Fresh chances. New opportunities. I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. because it started raining suddenly, a downpour. My quilt from Ely, Minnesota was out in the yard from last night's dinner gathering. Rob asked me what was the matter, I said "my quilt is in the yard", and he ran downstairs, ran out into the downpour and grabbed my quilt. The quilt probably didn't need to be saved from the cleansing rain, but still a gallant gesture, because I was about to run down and do the same. What are we if not grand vessels for deep feeling? "Meet me in the middle babe, can't believe this mess we made, say that we can try again, say that you still love me and I'll love you right back around" ........new song......... I also woke up with a feeling that the newest songs can't be performed yet. I've been pushing myself more and more each day to complete and memorize one of the new songs for my weekend of performances up in Ely. But I had the thought firmly in my head when I woke up this morning that I have to let go of that idea. I can stop pushing myself for that. These new songs are of a whole and they have to be held until they can be revealed as a whole. That's my thought. Could be wrong, but I don't think I'm wrong about this. The one single, "Hope 2020" is already getting some play so that one's out there. And that song is sort of a one off anyway so that's fine. On July 21st that one new song of mine is being featured in a series about songwriters during the Pandemic. That'll be fun. I get to play it on the program, I think it's a podcast sort of thing. And I think there's an interview as well. I'll let you know closer to the date. Tomorrow morning I go to Ely and play an afternoon radio show and then the evening house concert. I'm seeing people posting things on Facebook suggesting that it's imprudent to have shows at all. I believe we can do these sit down concerts out of doors with mass required (unless you're seated). The seating will be properly distanced. I think it's a good way to get some joy in our lives through live music and coming together. My porch concerts went great and this is the next step, to travel and create that same model of outdoor performance in safe settings. If you want to come to Ely, Minnesota for the shows, there's one Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Friday is sold out, but the Saturday show is wide open. Email me at cy@courtneyyasmineh.com for info. Thanks for reading, kids!

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