Yesterday I did succeed

Yesterday, judging from my morning writing, was set to be a bad day, but it wasn't!

It's not that you can't acknowledge times of disappointment and it's not that you can't enjoy a good wallowing in your sorrow.

But I think it is the length of time you devote to this activity that can make all the difference.

By ten in the morning yesterday I had turned the corner on despair and was headed in a positive direction again.

Thanks goes to my oldest daughter Nina who called me and reminded me of all the good things that are happening, and also has repeatedly said that she hopes I can work with a real literary agent with this second Sidney book and get my work to a bigger publisher and a bigger audience. So, thanks to Nina for helping. 

And thanks to Rob. Rob is usually the one who tells me I have to get the tour booked, or get the songs written. He is very good at being a task master...which has been a huge help in the past ten years of me getting a career up and running. But being the taskmaster doesn't help when the clear tasks have become murky or overwhelming and when the artist is in total despair. 

Rob gave me $18 which is what he had in his pocket and said, "You have to take a break and just go be a person. Take this money and go for a bike ride and have lunch. Go buy gardening stuff. Anything that sounds fun."

That was what I needed to hear. Permission from's not about Rob...but from the Universe or from God or from myself to just let go.

So I walked my dog on the Mississippi trail. I road my bike to the store. I bought the big recycled paper bags I've been wanting to get and I filled five of them with weeds in Rob's big backyard. I gardened and I played ball with Aidan...he kept putting his ball in the soil as I was turning it over which was annoying but he thought it was fun and funny.

Then I made myself a shandy...isn't that what they call it...half beer and half lemonade in a nice little glass and I sat in the backyard as the sun was setting, still in my dirty gardening clothes with my hair in pigtails, and I thought that everything was just grand.

Today I will keep writing for the McKnight Fellowship Grant application, I will walk my dog, I will run the steps at the Minnehaha Falls, I'll get my teeth cleaned at the dentist for free as part of my new health insurance, and tonight I'll go meet a French friend and fan and have a drink with him at my favorite Barbette French restaurant. A great day in the making.

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