Write a new album now

I have done some interviews this week about my new album that's just been released, "High Priestess And The Renegade".

One thing that became very clear to me is that all of the stories about this album circle around April 2016 when I had to give up my tiny gem of an apartment in New York City.

I had to give it up even though I adored being there. I adored the apartment itself, and the city, the two block walk to Central Park, me and my little dog sitting in the outdoor cafes, meeting up with my glamorous children for drinks, riding the subway to play songwriter showcases with my guitar strapped to my back. 

I felt like I had died and was living in Heaven.

But strangely, at night, alone in my beautiful room, I felt frightened, untethered psychologically. 

I was truly afraid for myself for the first time in my life.

I had the overwhelming feeling that what I was doing was wrong.

It was wrong financially. I went deeper into debt every month, hoping something would happen with my career that would perfectly dovetail with my running out of money.

But there was more that was wrong.

One night I went to see one of my daughter's songwriter showcases and came back late from Brooklyn on the subway.

I had my guitar with me on my back, and a small amp.

I was wearing high heeled boots.

My phone had lost it's charge and I couldn't check the subway app to be sure I was on the right train.

There was a transfer involved near Time Square, I was sure of that, so I got off and set out on foot to find the right connection.

I kept walking in the underground tunnels but it seemed that some of the trains to the Upper West weren't running that late.

I climbed the steps to the street and walked some more.

Eventually I saw a familiar subway entrance, ran down the steps again and caught a train bound for my neighborhood.

By the time I walked home from the train and climbed the three flights of stairs to my little apartment, one of my knees was hurting badly.

The next morning when I woke up my knee was swollen.

I stood and could barely walk.

Frightened at the prospect of being unable to take my dog for his long morning walk, or carry my laundry to the laundromat two blocks away, and of being unable to carry my guitar on the subway to tomorrow night's gig, I called an old friend of my family in Minneapolis.

The man I called was an orthopedic surgeon.

I told him about my knee and he asked many questions.

Eventually he said that it was called "overuse" and that moving to New York City at the age of fifty-five to pursue your dream with a guitar on your back was probably going to put a strain on your body.

I knew it had put a strain on my body and my mind.

The pressure to succeed was something I created because I didn't want to lose my little slice of Heaven.

I wanted to sustain what I had created.

But alas, I could not.

My knee and my credit card balance were both protesting.

And my mind was giving in to despairing thoughts.

I didn't give up.

I got forced out.

I was forced out by the facts that I couldn't ignore.

I came back to Minneapolis, screaming NO! on the inside.

Some part of me is still screaming. This can't be how it's all going to go down.

The great thing was getting to work with Rob Genadek on the "High Priestess" album and seeing that through with recording and touring.

But it's such a big beautiful world.

I would love to go to Nashville, I've never been there, and live on somebody's sofa and make an old style country album and wear cowgirl clothes.

I don't need to be in New York right now, I've accepted that.

But I need to start something new.

I love starting a new album, fresh beginning, new perspective.

Can I make Minneapolis my Nashville Skyline?

What I have in Minneapolis is my bicycle, a few people who love me including my mom, and relationships I cherish with a whole community of creative music people.

I can write the album I'm dreaming of now, the songs I wish I was singing now.

My mind is pretty strong now, my knee is pretty good, my finances are rough but thanks to staying with Rob, not dire.

I'm going to write a new album now.

Here are some pictures and people that inspire me right now:

 

Image result for willie nelson age at height of careerImage result for dolly at fifty with guitarImage result for emmylou with guitar

 

 

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