talking about moms with school age children

I was just reading a blog about "Mom's Building Their Confidence" and I had such a strong flashback to a time in my life that makes me so uncomfortable I can barely handle it.

In the blog about building confidence (on the website of a women's clothing company) these mothers with school age children were all talking about how their children are embarrassed by them and how their husbands aren't as romantic as they used to be.

Oh my God, it's so hard to be a mother with school age children!

Some people talk about how they'd "never go back" to their middle school years because they felt so awkward as a pre-teen or young teenager, but I personally would take middle school any day over returning to being the mother of middle school children!

It might partly be an American thing, or even a Midwestern thing. The moms in the culture I was a mother in get hit from every side: the kids are trying to be so important or cool, the dads get stressed out about earning money, the moms get caught between trying to be cool and young or trying to be serious and mature. In their careers or as homemakers or both, the mother wants to feel great about herself but her body has changed from the pregnancies and her ideas about herself are shifting. Yuck! It was really hard to get the feeling right for yourself, I remember that!

A woman who becomes a mother has to keep reinventing herself and that takes thought and energy. 

I broke up with my children's father during that difficult time and I really hurt a lot of people by deciding to leave. I only left the marriage, I didn't leave my role as a mother and I didn't leave the community. But staying in the community after leaving my husband was very difficult because the other married couples with children had strong disapproval for what I had done. 

I wish I could have stayed and made my marriage great, but I felt like eight years of going to counselors was enough, man, and I was over it.

Now when I read about mothers with school age children I thank God that my kids were so forgiving and kind and encouraging to me. They all handled their mother's decision and their parents divorce with courage. They rebelled, they acted out, they got mad, but they were great through it all. And their mother was suddenly making records and playing rock shows. One of them came home one day saying that a kid at school said, "Why does your mom dress like a stripper?" Ha! Well there ya go!

I did not transition gracefully into the happier woman I am now. I transitioned with a scowl on my face and a chip on my shoulder. I transitioned loudly, raucously, inappropriately, with anger and with rage. I was not the silent monarch stretching it's wings as it emerges from the cocoon. I was a mean troll with a sledgehammer smashing down the cinderblock bunker I had built around myself to protect myself from all the assholes in my life. I wanted out and I did a lot of destroying to get out.

Wow. I didn't know I was going to say all this this morning at seven a.m. on a Saturday, but there it is.

I hope every mom out there gets what she wants out of her life, cuz life is short but it's also real real long if you are miserable.

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