swept up

I've been swept up again in a tide of music in my ears....some fear too, maybe I won't be able to get it right, make it work as a real song, make the lyrics sing, and remember the whole damn thing.

"I'm gonna give you all the love that I'm made of, I'm gonna I'm gonna......"

Strange song lyrics coming from Heaven or from the stars, I don't know exactly, singing to me like the Munchkins in the original "Wizard Of Oz" movie...

"I'm gonna bring you red roses in the dead of winter, I'm gonna I'm gonna,

I'm gonna bring armfuls of lilacs in the early Springtime, I'm gonna I'm gonna"

I know the melody.

I can't tell what's stupid, I can't tell what's poor quality, how can I be the judge when I'm the recipient of gifts I don't understand?

You can judge when it's all said and done, or you can revel with me, it'll be your decision as it always is and always has been.

I will write you these songs and bring them to you like an armful of lilac branches in full bloom, like right now in gorgeous Minneapolis.

I will try to delight you.

And you can turn them away if they aren't good enough for you.

Or you can love them with me.

And I'll just keep making bouquets.

 

fine

Fine.

Everything's fine.

Everything's just totally fine.

I'm not tanking, I'm not setting the world on fire.

I'm breathing, I'm feeling my way.

Blind we are sometimes, maybe always.

Moments of clear seeing, moments of clear thinking, moments when we feel our heart's yearnings, these are the beauty of songs maybe.

I am writing like five different songs right now. None are finished, all are floating in and out of my mind, sometimes on the back burner, sometimes right up in front.

Will they fully reveal themselves?

Will I be saved?

What else is life but this?

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to you.

You either have a mom or you are a mom.

Not all mothers are created equal.

If you have a good mom, be grateful.

If you're a good mom, congratulations.

And if your mom isn't perfect or you're an imperfect mom, well, that's life.

We all make mistakes but some of us make more of them.

Try to be grateful for whatever you got.

Amen.

I caught one!

This morning I did what I've been saying I would do.

My children are all back in their own lanes, at least temporarily.

Rob and my little dog are asleep upstairs.

The house is silent.

All is as it should be in the Heavens and on Earth, at least from the vantage point of this chair where I sit with all my favorite stuff.

I got the coffee, I got the guitar.

I got the notebook and the nice pen.

I got this here laptop to write this here blog post to you my dear reader.

Life is good!

So, the great news is I woke up at six and I said to myself, "You are going to write a song before you do anything else."

I went downstairs.

Okay, I made the cup of coffee first, but whatever.

I sat right down in my velvet and fringe kimono which I am wearing over my very racy little black lingerie set with red embroidered roses, yep that's what I'm wearing and I ain't gonna apologize about it, and just in case you're curious, the bra is a 32DD, and I'm not apologizing about that either. Also, I've literally worn that bra size since I was about thirteen years old. No wonder why I been in trouble all my life.

I sat down and I wrote a song. Yep, I did. And it's not a bad one because two hours later I can still remember how it goes.

Okay, so the world is off to a good start from the vantage point of my chair right now.

Today I have a songwriter consulting session at 12:30 with a guy in Minneapolis who has his own band and is coming to me to learn whatever I know about it all that maybe he doesn't know. I know a few things he doesn't know, but he knows a lot already, and as usual with my consulting sessions, I have probably learned as much from him each time as he has learned from me. They say the best way to learn something is to teach it to others. Agree.

Later today one of my very very favorite fan/friend/supporters is coming over to visit for the evening. She and I are going to do what we always do when she comes over to Rob's house, we have a pow wow over everything that's happening. She's always very insightful for me as I give her my state of the union address about how my artistic life is progressing, interwoven with how my personal life is either enhancing or getting in the way of my creativity. Tonight I'll probably play her some of my new material on my guitar and get her first impressions. Also, she and I have children the same ages so we compare notes about all of that as well, and we've known each others' children since they were born. SHe's great at talking about the children too.

This is going to be fun!

I hope whatever you do today is awesome.

I love you, I really do.

Thanks for reading.

last night in the town where I used to live

I played a show last night in the town where I used to live.

I raised my children there.

That town is just not a very good environment for original live music I don't think.

I didn't think so when I lived there, and I guess I don't think so now either.

I walked in with Rob Genadek and we started setting up our very small portable PA set up for our small drums and my guitars.

We set up our two microphones.

There was already the feeling of "walking on eggshells".

Like we had to tip toe very quietly around and be very careful so as not to upset anyone.

Why? Why did it feel like that? I don't really know.

The bar where we were playing was in the main lobby of a new hotel in the town.

So, we were setting up and a woman approached me and said she wanted to speak with me privately. She said she was from Human Relations for the hotel. She said that the way I was dressed was inappropriate for their hotel and that I needed to change my clothes into something more covered immediately. I told her, very nicely, that what I was wearing was a shorts "romper" sort of thing and had it's own black lined bodysuit underneath and that I had worn this "romper" on many tours...in Europe and the US...and played probably fifty shows in this romper and that no one on any continent in any city had ever once complained about this romper before. Also, I had nothing to "change into" and that even if I did she wasn't going to find anything else I owned to be more to her satisfaction.

My eighty-four year old mother and my twenty-eight year old daughter were both in attendance and they said I looked great. Several of my female fans were in attendance and they said I looked more conservative than usual! Ha!

Okay, well, whatever, there was nothing to be done about it and she walked away saying, "well just try not to bend over" and I said again, "It's shorts."

We started playing and the manager was immediately saying we were too loud.

The manager started pacing around in front of us.

About fifteen of my fans were there and maybe twenty more customers who were just there for happy hour.

The happy hour people were talking loudly.

My fans were saying they couldn't hear us very well.

The manager was saying we needed to turn down our amplification.

We finally got very very quiet, later in the three hour show, after happy hour was over, and just our fans sort of gathered around, and I was able to sing to them and they were able to hear and Rob and I could hear each other's harmonies.

But at that point we were singing and playing so quietly that one fan described it as "ants playing tiny violins".

Either way, my mother loved the whole show and stayed to the very end.

She was clapping along sometimes, she stood up and danced a little too. She was great! She was the highlight of the evening! My beautiful mother dancing and singing along at eighty-four! She wasn't even mean about my outfit! She said I looked great! 

Will I ever play there again? Not sure, maybe not.

Do I care? Well, the vision I have for my career is to be playing in situations where every single person is there with their own enthusiastic intention to hear my music. Does this place fit that description? No.

But on the road to that beautiful destination, I need to play and play often, for the sake of my artistry, my technical skills, and my bank account. So would I like to play there again? Yes, if they'll have me back. And I'll try to get closer to what they want while giving myself and my fans what they want too. I can do it. I know I can.

Tonight I play at a little place called the Finnish Bistro where I have worn leather shorts and a Nirvana t shirt, or a sequin slip, or a tutu and a leather jacket, or a Bob Dylan t shirt with cut offs and fishnet stockings. No one has ever complained about any of it.

I'm looking forward to my show 6:30-8:30!

Here's a photo of me wearing the same romper I wore last night, same stockings, same everything. So sexy. So shocking. Downright disturbing. I know.

 

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