narrow escape

Last night I received a call from my adorable son Jordan. He said he was calling to hear how I'm doing, how my attitude is, going into the new year. He is personally on cloud nine right now because he just started a dream job and just moved into a dream of a little beach house with his absolute dream of a girlfriend. He's flying high.

But I had to be honest and I said that I wasn't doing as great as I wanted to be doing. He was nice enough to not blow this off, and instead asked his mom a bunch of pointed questions about what is going on in my mind. He was just home for a whole week, staying with us, so he knew that I am healthy and looking good and that I had a very nice holiday season. So what was happening now to cloud the skies for his mother?

I talked about a bunch of random stuff. I said that I felt great about the things I've been applying for and sending emails about, even though some of these things are extremely competitive and I may not get them. But at least I'm doing the work. I also said that I'm feeling good about the songwriting direction I'm taking, and I feel good about having completed the writing of my second novel. My third novel is half finished and I love it even more than the other two. No literary agent yet, so that's a huge hurdle still, but not impossible. 

But then I told him that I was given an opportunity to be considered for a catering job in the Twin Cities that would make good money and that I was going to an interview with the woman who owns the business today. That's when I started sounding bad. Suddenly, while he was still saying, "Oh, well is that something you would like to do?", I realized it is not something I would like to do. I have never in my life, not even once, said, "I would like to be a caterer." I have, in my life, hosted parties and made all the appetizers and everything myself, and I have been really good at it. But that does not mean that I want to stand around at other peoples' parties right now with an apron on and make their food for their party. I had taken the job suggestion from a person who had been to my parties over the years and who knew the woman with the catering business. Of course it seemed like a good fit, and I have been saying that making money is important for me. I said yes to the meeting simply because I agreed with the idea that this is something I could do to earn money. I would be good at it. 

There's a story I heard a few years ago from a friend who is a film maker. He said that he was on location somewhere in Minnesota when they were filming a new movie that ended up being very well known and well received. He said that one night during the early stages of filming the crew was out at a bar getting dinner. A young man came up and introduced himself saying that he was an aspiring film maker himself and would love to be of help with the movie they were making. My friend talked with this young man for a while and finally told him he could be an assistant. He would need to report the next day at 6am at the film set. The young guy then said that he had a job at the car dealership so he couldn't just take off. The film maker said, "Well, you're either a film maker or you're a car salesman. Which is it?" The young man answered that it was too risky and he couldn't just quit his job for something so temporary as this. My friend the film maker felt that the young man had lost a big break by being afraid to plunge into the unknown with both feet.

You're either a full time artist or you're a caterer.

I will continue to survive, I will continue to thrive, in 2019. I will be one hundred percent what I envision myself to be. I will thrive being what I want to be.

Amen. God help me.

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