Mother's Day

Mother's Day is today. I like it. I'm happy about it.

My mother is coming over to this sweet little house and I'm making a quiche.

Nina is here and she made some muffins with fresh raspberries and sour cream.

Rob is making mimosas.

My mother will be her usual self I'm sure. Smile face.

You've seen the front porch, but now I have the back little patio set up with umbrellas and outdoor furniture from my past life.

It looks fun out there too.

This is a fun place to live, that's for sure.

I'm grateful to be here and grateful to have a mom and a daughter on hand to celebrate the day with me. And a Rob too.

This week I go back to NYC for my son's graduation and Justin Trudeau is giving the commencement speech which is going to be awesome.

I'll sleep on an air mattress in my daughter's room in Brooklyn for three nights.

It is totally worth whatever discomfort must be endured.

I will make a pilgrimage up to Central Park.

When I went to New York four years ago, I thought I might never come back to Minneapolis.

In truth, I hoped I would never have to come back.

I love putting the past behind me.

And my time in New York was the greatest freedom I have ever known.

Two of my children were there, and Ava came out very often to visit, so everyone was always around.

But I went there to work at being a full time independent artist.

That part of it I found to be impossible.

I did a lot.

I made many inroads into the music industry that are some of my most valuable relationships now.

I toured the East Coast extensively and I made a kick ass rock record called "Red Letter Day".

I also had long hours to walk with my little dog in Central Park.

I walked The Ramble almost every morning.

Often we sat with a coffee and a croissant at the little cafe in the park and watched the other dogs and their owners.

We walked to the statue of Balto and I would read out loud to my dog the plaque with the story of how Balto saved the children of Nome, Alaska when the vaccine had to be brought through by dogsled.

Central Park was my moment of freedom in this life of mine.

I may never again feel as free as I did then, single, unencumbered, for the first time in almost thirty years living alone.

But strangely, and I didn't predict this at all, I felt frightened and lonely too.

New York didn't throw open all of it's doors and roll out the red carpet for me.

I felt isolated in my pursuit of a viable music career.

That feeling persisted and worsened as my money ran low, and then ran out.

I stayed, living off a line of credit, hoping my ship would come in.

In the eleventh hour I had no choice but to go back to Minneapolis, where I could figure out a way to live and keep going with my promising but not fulfilled dream.

So, I came back.

I knew I could live with my mother, but I also knew that might be too hard on both of us.

Rob said I could live at his house.

I said, "Okay, but just until I can figure out what to do next."

Well, here we are at Mother's Day two years later and I'm so grateful to still be here.

I have a clear mind and I am light hearted.

I have cast out much of the darkness that has plagued me most of my life.

All three of my children are unencumbered by the dark discouragements I have felt so often.

I see their light.

They are the great gifts of my struggles.

Thank God I was able to be firm with them, I was able to be kind to them, I was able to encourage them.

Thank God I didn't ruin them with the bad habits I knew so well but forced myself to gradually unlearn.

I successfully protected them from my darkest self.

When I couldn't protect them from it, I tried as hard as I could to make up for it.

And to their credit, through their parents' divorce and their mother's financial upheaval, they were true to themselves, true to their own courses.

They are individuals forged of their own steel.

I honor them this day.

They are the greatest gifts I have ever known.

Comments

Josephine Lane May 13, 2018 @11:26 am
Happy Mother's Day Courtney. You are a great role model to have the courage and tenacity to seek out what your heart desires.
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