I cut my hair at 5am

I gave myself a haircut of a couple of inches at 5am today.

I used to think that if I did stuff like that I was crazy, and it may sound crazy to you, but it's not. It's empowering.

It's just hair growing on your head.

We're all humans with hair growing somewhere...or not...and our personal grooming can be simple and effective.

Or it can be really complicated and expensive.

When I was a doctor's wife I was lonely and bored and I never felt good about myself.

I see now how I was wasting my beauty, wasting my joy, wasting my precious moments on this Earth, with my sadness.

I had three beautiful little children and they were my great happiness, they gave me the childhood I never had with playmates and toys, art projects and puzzles, card games, and reading and reading and reading aloud.

But when they started going to school during the day I knew it was time to start grappling with Me.

And grapple I did.

I wrote on a laptop at the neighborhood coffeeshop sometimes all day long.

I would dress up like I was going someplace cool, which I was because I was going there to be a writer.

I would sit and laugh and cry and ponder my past, ponder my inner life.

But I also obsessed over my body and my face and my hair.

Nothing was ever quite right. I never felt the way I wanted to feel, which was effortless and uninhibited.

I started going to a hair salon in my neighborhood that was very expensive.

I bought all the expensive hair products they recommended.

I got all the color treatments, I got my haircut every six weeks.

I thought it was all a boost of confidence, but it wasn't.

Something underneath it was dishonest and made me feel worse.

On some level I knew that the hair stylist saw women like me, stay at home moms, all day long.

She would even tell me that they all came in talking about Botox, and tennis lessons, and sleeping with the tennis coach.

Geez.

I didn't want any of that but I had bought into the idea that she knew best.

In reality she was very good at giving out the momentary dose of flattery and praise and she was very good at making the sale.

Never again!

So I'm psyched about my rock and roll lifestyle now which includes the extremely rock and roll ten dollar box of bleach from Walgreens, fuck yeah.

And I chopped off a couple inches of my hair this morning because it has more swing and more edge and makes me look like less of a princess and more like a badass. Fuck yeah.

Come to my show at The Warming House tonight to see my hair.

I'm part of a songwriter in the round show tonight.

We each are playing two songs by artists from Texas, not sure why, but we are.

I have chosen the balls out pairing of Beyonce's Daddy Lessons and Nanci Griffith's Hard Life.

Then I'm going to do Tangle Web because we get to do one of our own.

Should be cool.

Especially with my new hair.

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