I can't go back

I want to tell you a bunch of stories from the road, but I can't go back.

I've never been much for living in the past.

I am not particularly sentimental.

I do not save old concert ticket stubs.

I like to plan out my day and be psyched about executing my plan.

I get really disappointed if I don't fulfill the day's wishlist.

Everything on the wishlist is about preparing for a better future.

My head is always in the clouds of the what will be.

If I'm exercising, it's because it feels great psychologically and physically, but it's also because I am always hoping for a new improved better than ever me.

I have photos from this recent Europe tour.

I want to share them with you and tell you stories about things that happened.

But it's hard for me to shift into thinking about the past, even the recent past, because I get uncomfortable about it.

A guy on Facebook sent me a message yesterday. He's a fan in Minneapolis. He wrote to me saying that he thinks it's really cool that I'm still out there performing. He thinks it's awesome that I'm still doing these Europe tours. He thinks it's great that I'm still putting out new recordings. And he ended this with "and I really think you're still one of the best bands in Minneapolis".

Thanks buddy.

I am grateful for his support and for his kindness in taking the time to write to me these encouraging words.

But since this is my blog and I can say whatever the fuck I want, I will say that this guy did me the favor of reminding me that other people cannot see what I see in my brain about where my life is going.

They can't and they don't and it's not their fault.

This guy seems to see my career in music as something that peaked five years ago and he thinks it's great that I am able to maintain some level that he thinks I reached.

To an onlooker, the level I'm at is what I have achieved and there's no way to see whether I am standing at the top of my little mountain of life or whether I am only half way up my little private mountain. I might be standing halfway on the trail of my mountain and this could suggest that I have been to the top, and I am coming back down. Maybe the look on the mountain climber's face is the only clue. If the mountain climber is smiling, who cares whether they'r on their way up or down or just hanging out on a sunny plateau. They're happy. If the mountain climber is miserable, we can assume that they're taking the wrong path or they've depleted their resources or they've injured themselves on the climb.

We are all mountain climbers, needless to say.

I think of Nancy Pelosi at moments like this. She raised her five children and started her political career and was Speaker Of The House and becoming a grandmother. When her kids were little if she had told people she saw herself becoming Speaker Of The House, they may not have believed she would be able to do it. I like to consider myself the Nancy Pelosi of rock and roll.

For the record then, just between you and me, I am about two thirds of the way up and I am climbing with a big fat grin on my face for the world to see.

I will end with a photo of our Cafe Bizon show in Brussels. I will add that the professional photographer who has come to several of my shows at this venue told me that the photos were "easier to take" this time because I was looking better than ever.

Hell yeah.

 

Comments

Courtney August 29, 2018 @04:55 pm
Petra! You Rock! Always and forever!
Petra Schmidt August 29, 2018 @11:42 am
Courtney! I do not live in the past either. But whenever great things happen in my life I want to share them as well. It makes me sad when you feel uncomfortable about telling a few stories from your recent tour. Why just say that your Europe tour was fucking great?! Your tour manager is happy to have all the great memories of your recent tour. I am thinking gladly about it and I want to embrace the world! I don't know the career status of your music from 5 years ago. But all I know is you've made a big leap forward since March 2017 when you played the first time at my church. Some good advice (not the cheese thing!): Go further on and reach all your goals! Spread the world with your music! You can dot it! I believe in you!
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