freed by my brother's spirit finally free


I have been freed by my brother's spirit finally being free.

I feel it.

I didn't know it was weighing me down.

I was always worried and I felt sad and guilty all the time.

As you know from reading this blog, I did try to put him into the right programs and went to appointments and counseling sessions with him several times when he was in his early forties, trying to help him.

I stood between him and our father when I was just a young girl.

But either I didn't do enough, or I didn't handle it right, or no one could save him, or at the very least it was out of my hands.

He knew what he knew and he did what he did.

But now he is safe in the arms of Divinity, no matter how you see it about religion, he is saved.

And so am I.

For some reason I feel it in everything I do now.

I drove down to Northfield, Minnesota yesterday to do a radio live performance and interview and I felt so free to speak of things as I saw fit.

My brother went all four years and graduated from Carleton College in that town.

I spoke of him on the radio and I had a chance to talk more about him with the great female host of the show afterwards as well.

When I left the radio station I took a walk at dusk around the pretty town and I knew my brother had loved his time there and I knew my brother knew I was there and that I was carrying on for him, doing exactly what he always wanted me to do.

"Sister C, God is handing us the chapters." That's what he used to say to me as our lives took one unexpected turn after another.

We both knew that if nothing else, all this was going to make a great story.

I remember him sitting in a chair up at the cabin one sunny morning in mid summer when he was in his twenties and I was still a teenager. I was telling him about what I had done the night before.  I remember him saying to our mother, "The best thing is to just stay home and send Sister C to the party. She tells the story much better than the party would ever have been in real life."

 Brother B, I love you always, and I promise, the stories will be told.

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