Chevy Chase

I just read a new article about the actor and comedian Chevy Chase. 

The facts that struck me are that he has been a scathingly mean guy a lot of the time throughout his career by many accounts.

He started drinking too much but has completely stopped drinking and is looking good at 70.

His wife of many years and their three daughters all still love him and are with him.

His dad left his mom, didn't support him much, and the mother was extremely abusive to him. Extremely.

Chevy can't get the kind of work he wants right now.

A lot of people say they don't want to work with him.

Guys his age like Steve Martin and Bill Murray are out doing awesome stuff.

Chevy has issues.

He starts to criticize other comedians, ruthlessly, every time the interviewer talks to him. He compulsively gets down on others.

He says bitter depressing things about how people have gotten down on him.

It's a theme.

He thinks he's saying these truthful elephant in the room things about the other comedians or actors.

He thinks he has a right to lick his wounds and dwell on the bad things people say about him.

His wife is quoted as saying that she sees him as an abused child who has grown up with some feeling of being unloved and some bitterness over being unloved that just will never go away.

I'm like Chevy Chase sometimes and I used to be more like Chevy Chase, and being like that holds you back.

Being like that thwarts your potential in the world.

I'm trying to eradicate all of that from my life.

Last night I went out with Rob to see the performance of a local artist that Rob G is working with in his studio.

I distinctly remember that when I got back from New York I had a chip on my shoulder about going to see the local artists in Minneapolis perform their music.

I had all sorts of dark thoughts about how I had failed to lift myself to a higher level of acclaim and had come back to Minneapolis unhappy, unsuccessful, unwilling to see the beauty in everything or anything.

I would sit and critique the artists I went to see.

I would tell myself I had to somehow show that I was higher up the ladder of success from them, but how?

I didn't have real success to point to. I didn't have the endorsement of the world.

If I went with Rob to a show I would sit with a hardened heart and tell Rob how the person's singing wasn't very good or how their lyrics seemed lame to me. Rob hated when I did that. I thought I was just telling the real truth.

Sometimes I would stay home because I had these big ideas of how important I should look and I didn't want to "make an appearance" and not look my best, and I didn't feel good about myself so I would stay home at Rob's house and feel worse. I would say I didn't have any friends. I would say I couldn't trust anyone. 

Sometimes I would go out to shows and people would ask me what I was doing or how my music was going or how my "career" was going and I would be resentful and mad and maybe even rude and mean.

I couldn't get it right.

But last night I went to a local artist's show and I felt love. I loved myself, I loved them. I loved being out with Rob. I loved the bright mod sweater dress I was wearing and the thigh high suede boots. I loved the pizza we had. Someone asked me if I might like to play at this small pizza joint venue and I said "hell yeah!"

Who am I but another human among humans. In a world full of suffering, who am I to judge? Who is anyone to judge the efforts and the work of others. Be glad to be alive. Be glad that anyone is glad you are there. Be glad. 

Thanks Chevy Chase for the inspiration to rise above today. I wish you happiness and peace in all you do. I love you.

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