begin again after a rejection

If someone were to read back through these blog entries they might be able to pick up on a pattern of enthusiasms and disappointments.

Undoubtedly.

It might be useful for me to go back and label each post with a category.

The categories would be: new idea, enthusiasm, optimism, bliss, disappointment, bad news, sorrow, bitterness, dejection.

Or, if we only wanted two categories: good, bad.

And we would see that there may be almost an equal number of each, or that they are more weighted one way or the other for long periods of time.

One idea about writing this blog is that I may through my efforts someday get to some permanent state of security and nirvana and then I can look back and chart exactly how that state was attained over days weeks and months. That would be cool.

Or if I die, in whatever circumstances, which I will undoubtedly do at some point as will we all, it might be cool for someone to read back and see what it was all about in retrospect.

Well, today is a disappointment day, but it's also a day of strange relief and acceptance.

Maybe some big dreams are not worth the stress they cause anyway.

I applied for a solo showcase performance spot at SXSW in Austin TX for March 2019.

Last night I got my rejection email.

They didn't take me.

I even paid the fifty dollar entrance fee.

I was really thinking it would be cool and flashy and important to get that.

But I didn't get it.

Strangely, I already knew I was going to be rejected.

Yesterday I drove back over to the good old Underground Music Cafe and signed up for Thursdays after all.

I didn't feel good not playing there every week.

I had told myself I needed to do more important aggressive ambitious things.

But the Underground said yes to my new Thursday Residency and SXSW said no to my pitch for one of their thirty minute showcase spots.

So I will be at the Underground every Thursday through March.

I will not be on tour.

Obey.

Obey the signs.

Surrender to the path you are on.

I surrender.

And honestly it feels good to surrender.

Surrender is not giving up, it's just walking humbly with your god, your creator, your muse.

Instead of bounding ten paces ahead and saying to myself, "I'm too good for this slow humble pace!" I am going to be happy to fall into step with the master of my destiny, who is clearly not me because I had different ideas.

Okay, there you go.

There it is.

I surrender.

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