A New Practice Begins Today: The Blog As Salvation

I am going to try something new.

I'm going to write every morning here the way I have written in a journal every morning for thirty years.

Why not make these musings semi-public?

I have bared my soul to the public on stage now many many times.

You have seen me cry over the songs myself.

I have nothing to hide from you.

I just completed twenty-six shows in thirty-two days in Europe.

I hurts my heart to think of how much I love the people I know from these shows.

I know you.

And you know me.

On this tour I thought a lot about social media.

I thought that it seems like a shallow version of connecting with others.

It's not the fault of social media, it's the way it's constructed to be quick and easy.

I think for my music life it works super great for getting the word out and staying in touch internationally about shows, recordings, events, lots of things.

But it has left me wanting more for myself in terms of expressing myself to the people who care about my live performances.

These people, and if you're reading this you are possibly one of them, these people might like to see more of the inner workings of a mind and a heart like mine.

I have had this hunch for a while.

So I stopped writing in a journal for the first time really since before my children were born.

I stopped writing in a journal for this whole past month while we were on tour.

A couple of times in the mornings (at the Artist Flat for Songs And Whispers concert series) I actually picked up one of the markers I use to autograph my albums and books, and I tried to write an impromptu journal entry on the back of the printed out tour schedule.

I did that and as I tried to write down some thoughts in fat black letters I asked myself why?

Why the compulsion to write things down in the morning? Thirty years of writing shit down every morning. No one else has ever read any of it. Who cares? I don't care that none of that has ever been read. I'm pretty damn glad it hasn't been! There's probably some stuff in those journals that would get me in trouble with a person or two.

But that was then and this is now. My mind is different now. My heart is different.

I have nothing private to say.

I don't need to ruminate over troubles and problems and fears.

What I want to do is to extend my stage performance persona by bridging the gap between my inner life and my outer work.

This is not my series of novels about "A Girl Called Sidney". Sidney, more than ever at the end of book two, is her own person. She is not me and she cannot fulfill my desires. She is beautiful and she has value in her story and in her journey. But she is not me and she is not me now.

There is a me now that is so new and so fresh and so exciting, so full of promise and beauty, that I want to try to express this.

I think this blog may well be the answer.

We shall see! If I quit it by the end of a week, then it didn't work. That's okay. If it doesn't work there's no point in forcing it.

But if it does work, it could be wonderful!

I have two fans in Bremen, Germany who have really touched my soul.

The one is a gardener. She has reminded me how much I love gardening.

When I stopped owning my own home I gave up hope of ever gardening again.

Now I have been living at Rob's house.

If you know my music, you know who Rob is.

Well, I have been "staying temporarily" at Rob's house for two years now!

My idea was to get back to New York City by raising my acclaim through my books and music.

I wanted to make enough money to be able to afford my own apartment in New York. My eyes sting with tears as I write this.

The Dream.

In the meantime, I have been "staying at Rob's house" to be able to afford to make this new album that has just been released.

I have been "staying at Rob's house" to be able to afford my recent West Coast tour and also my just yesterday completed Europe tour.

But now I want so badly to plant flowers and herbs and see their little faces every morning in the Spring and Summer. 

I can't wait any more. Rob says he always said I could plant things at his house.

But it isn't my home. I don't own it. And I'm not married to Rob.

Well, fuck it.

We're gonna do some gardening anyway friends!

I pledge that even if I have to use quarters from the ceramic piggy bank I keep in the guest room where my kids stay when they come to Minneapolis, even if I have to ride my bicycle over to the nice little garden shop called Mother Earth in Rob's neighborhood and buy one hydrangea plant with all quarters, I'm going to fucking do it.

So, this is a taste of what we're up against with this blog practice.

I will endeavor to reveal myself and if you read this you will endeavor to slog through somebody writing their crap out in all the different combinations of the twenty-six symbols that are the English language.

And you will decide if you want to read it or not.

And I will decide if I want to do this or not.

Like the gardening idea, I have a lot of impulsive ideas about fashion as well.

I am thinking about the bolero hat I went in search of and found in Minneapolis thanks to other musician friends for my West Coast tour. That same kind of bolero hat with the chin tie ended up all over the new Dior cruise collection ads on Jennifer Lawrence and all their models. I am so psyched to wear this kind of stuff here in Minneapolis this Spring. I don't need to buy anything to dress like this. I have stuff like this, basically.   Black cowboy boots, tan western style suede booties. Lace dresses in black or white or cream. 

Also, I want to go on tour again in Germany for outdoor festivals in August. I have six firm bookings so far!!!!!!!

The gardening, the fashion, the touring.

Also, keep churning out Sidney's story. Book two is just about finished.

Also, my mom, my dog, my beautiful brilliant children. 

And Rob, the Lion.

So, here we go!

 

Comments

Petra Schmidt April 05, 2018 @01:52 pm
Wow! Let's start gardening! Why shouldn't at Rob's house? Just to see how it works for your soul!!!
B. Charles April 03, 2018 @09:51 am
Fortune favors the brave, the bold, and the brazen ;-)
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